How to Find Your Work Spouse (Or Just an Office Buddy) | Chicken Nuggets for the Soul
Welcome to the first edition of Chicken Nuggets for the Soul, a series where I, an unqualified dingus, give advice on any and all of the dilemmas plaguing you, my very small audience of readers. Today’s question comes from me shamelessly soliciting questions on Instagram Stories through the new “Ask Me Anything” feature. Of course, in the weeks since it first debuted, the feature has likely become the bane of the existence of anyone who regularly watches Instagram Stories. We all love something novel and were surprisingly more than ready to relive our Formspring days. We’re adults now. We can handle it. Sort of.
Anyway, on to the question:
“How do you make friends at work when you’re the youngest one in the office?” - Marly
This is a predicament I’m sure a lot of recent grads fall into when starting their first “real” jobs. Unless you’re going into a company with a really young staff, you’re likely to feel like the baby in the room among staff members who have been around the sun a few more times than you. Things can feel extra awkward if most of the staff has been with the company for several years. They’ve already formed relationships with their co-workers, leaving you to feel like the awkward new kid in school, searching for a place to sit in the cafeteria. Sometimes literally, if your office has a cafeteria (you lucky dog, you).
I felt this several times during my internships, where I was often both the youngest person in the room and on the lowest rung of the corporate ladder. I was naturally pretty socially awkward, and wasn’t sure exactly how to approach interactions with the people on staff that weren’t strictly work-related. I knew that my co-workers weren’t necessarily going to go out of their way to get to know me, but I wasn’t always sure if I was welcome to ask them about their lives.
One of the best ways I found to ease this awkwardness was to attend work events or volunteer to help out with extra projects outside of my department. This put me in direct contact with people I might not have spoken to in the office every day, all in the comfort of a group environment. For example, I interned at a local theatre in college and volunteered to help out with almost every opening night during my time there. These events were occasionally stressful - lots of things to set up, lots of donors to please, etc. - but while the show was running I got to hang out and chat with my co-workers in the lobby. Getting to know the team through these events made things much more comfortable in the office later. Also, free cheese, wine, and beer is always a nice perk.
Not seeing these kinds of opportunities at your company? Try to find some appropriate time to talk with your co-workers. I know firsthand that this is easier said than done, but it usually gets better as time goes on. Ask them questions about their careers, how they ended up at the company, what’s new with their kids, etc. People love talking about themselves and want to feel like someone gives a shit. Show them that you do. Of course, read the room and don’t just bust in with personal questions when they’re on a conference call. But you can always dip a toe in the water and ask them how their weekend went while you’re both grabbing your second cup of coffee of the morning. Wanna take it to the next level? Ask them to join you on your next Starbucks run. If you’re feeling really bold, organize a happy hour (I am not that bold, but maybe you are).
When it comes down to it, the people you work with are just that: people. They may be at different stages in their lives, but they live on the same planet as you and probably (PROBABLY) detest public transportation and the current government as much as you do. You’re bound to find some common ground if you put in the effort.
To be honest, finding close friends at work is rare. Sometimes you find yourself working with a group of people you’re just not on the same page with socially. Not everyone has a “work wife” or “work husband” to take silly Instagrams with throughout the day. That’s completely normal. You don’t have to be best friends with your colleagues, you just have to be able to work with them. Think of it this way: you weren’t friends with everyone in your class in school. Your office is likely made up of a much smaller group of people, narrowing your chances of forming close friendships there. If you’re looking to fill that social gap, make time for something outside of work. Join a chorus or a kickball league or pub quiz team - something that will build a social activity into your weekly schedule. Free from the awkward environment of work, and likely surrounded by more people your age, you’re bound to make some new pals.
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