How Do I Make Friends in a New City? | Chicken Nuggets for the Soul
The month of June is a very special time of year. Every company from Budweiser to the producers of The Babadook starts slapping rainbows on their products in honor of Pride. Twenty-somethings around the city start moving their alcohol-related activities outside. My seasonal allergies finally calm down. Summer is in the air.
June also marks the end of the academic year for most students and, of course, graduation. Graduating from any institution is a huge accomplishment, but a lot of Scary Life Changes (moving to a new city, starting a new job, leaving friends behind, etc.) usually come along with that expensive piece of paper. With that in mind, I figured now would be a great time to take on this question from Ryan:
“How do you adjust to living in a new city? How do you find new friends and new comfort zones?”
Personally, I am not someone who is particularly good at adjusting to...anything, really. No matter how much I may have longed for some sort of change in my life, it always turns me into a bit of an anxiety monster. Change is unavoidable, though, and sometimes you have to take some risks to move towards the life you want. At least this is what I told myself when I moved to New York after college.
My first year in New York was pretty lonely. It felt like everyone I met had either been in the city forever or came to town with an established friend group, moving into apartments with their college besties or sorority sisters. I was lucky to have a few friends and family members in town, but thanks to my schedule and the unreliability of the MTA, I didn’t get to see them that often. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to recreate my college social life in my new city and ended up spending a lot of nights in with Netflix and a lot of weekends at my parents’ house.
I knew I wanted to make a life in New York, though, and that meant doing my best to meet some new people. I was very lucky to work with a lot of young people in similar situations at my first job, and for most of my first year in the city, my social life was entangled with my job. When I went out, it was usually to blow off steam with my co-workers. However, as with many entry-level jobs, people come and go. While I still count some of my former colleagues as good friends, I fell out of touch with many of them once we no longer had a job to bond over.
It is incredibly important to make connections with people in your industry, especially in a world like entertainment. Surround yourself with people you can collaborate with, people who understand your career path, and people who will be your cheerleaders. But limiting your friend group to your professional peers makes it much harder to achieve some semblance of work-life balance. It’s pretty easy to stay in the office all night when all your friends are there. Plus, part of meeting new people and making friends is getting to see the world through new perspectives. So make sure you leave the office once in a while.
Of course, that’s easier said than done, especially in a culture where we all feel the need to work constantly just to get by. You have to build these social opportunities into your schedule, like you would a work commitment or other obligation. Here, I give the same advice I give to college freshmen looking to make friends: join a club. Okay, so maybe your city doesn’t have a Paranormal Explorers Club like your college did, but they probably have a choir. Or cooking classes. Or a French language meet-up group. Whatever you’re into (or might be into), there’s probably some kind of group that meets once a week to discuss said thing that you can join.
I will admit, joining a new thing with new people is terrifying. I made a ton of excuses not to audition for choirs when I moved to New York. When I finally did, I was convinced it wouldn’t work out. Three years later, some of my closest friends in New York are friends I’ve made through my chorus.
It absolutely takes time to really get to know the people in the group and cultivate friendships. But the more you go, the more comfortable you feel. And it may take a few tries before you find your people, but it’s absolutely worth it to keep trying. Be patient with yourself. One day you’ll wake up and it’ll feel like you’ve lived in your new place forever.
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