Interactions I've Had with Famous People Over My 5 Years in New York

Bulldogs are the Real Celebrities

A few years ago, a friend and I went down to Soho for a shopping trip, followed by an early dinner. It all felt very Sex and the City, minus the garbage men, bad puns, and late 90s tube tops. After dinner, we walked through a more residential part of the neighborhood to get to our respective subway lines and head home. The streets were pretty empty, but we passed by two guys walking the most glorious English Bulldog I’ve ever seen. This guy had everything: perfect folds, an under bite, and just the right amount of chub. Give him a cigar and a bowler hat and he’s basically Winston Churchill. 

I have total tunnel vision as it is when it comes to dogs, so naturally in this moment I was completely mesmerized by the late Canine Prime Minister of England. Once we were out of earshot of the dog and his humans, my friend turned to me. 

“Wasn’t that that guy from Harold and Kumar?” she asked. 

“Which one?” I replied. 

“The one who ended up working for Obama.” 

“Kal Penn?”

“I think that was him!”

“Who?”

“The guy we just passed!”

“Oh sorry, I was focused on the dog.”

It occurs to me now that, as I am wont to do, I was probably staring at this dog with the giant-eyed look of wonder most people reserve for the moderately-famous. Had he noticed, Kal Penn probably would have thought I was ogling him and not his beautiful dog. Although I’m not sure which would have freaked him out more. 

Regardless, were I British, I would vote that dog into office immediately. 

Celebrity Telepathy

Madison Square Park is home to Sony’s New York offices, so it’s not entirely uncommon to see the Whos of the music industry walking around the area before and after meetings. As someone who spends a fair amount of time in the area, I’ve found myself staring at someone on the sidewalk, trying to figure out if they are actually the notable human I think they are or if they’re just hot and/or well-dressed. More often than not they’re just tech bros who are really into streetwear or models who have yet to break out, but occasionally they are Legitimate Famous People. 

On a late afternoon a few years ago, I saw a guy in a baseball hat, round glasses, and generally very 90s ensemble walking towards me outside the park. I couldn’t quite place where I recognized him from, but he looked extremely familiar. Of course, I did that thing where I stared a little too hard at his face, and as we got closer to each other we made eye contact. I recognized then that the man was musician and producer Jack Antonoff. In that moment before we passed each other, I like to think that we had a little telepathic exchange:

ME: I know who you are. 

HIM: I know you know who I am. 

ME: I’m not gonna say anything. 

HIM: Thank you. 

ME: ...did you date Lorde, though?

This Is My Beautiful Dress (But Don’t Worry, It’s Stain-Resistant)

I worked as an assistant at a major talent agency for two and a half years. If you know anything about the job (or the industry in general), you know that it involves doing shots with quasi-celebrities in the West Village by night and stealing office toilet paper and snacks to save money by day. My life over those two and half years was what I like to call “Insta-glamorous,” in that it looked a lot fancier than it actually was or had any right to be. 

One run-in with a New York Fancy occurred at my department head’s annual Christmas party during my first year on the job. Attendees of this party included my co-workers, theatre industry VIPs, and a few well-known artists who dabble on and off-Broadway. I was one of the first to arrive that night, but some of the Fancies were milling around the bar and hors d'oeuvres tables. I’ll admit that while I recognized many of the attendees and knew they were Important People, I couldn’t always put faces to names. This is a dangerous position for a wee assistant. 

I went to the bar to grab a drink and noticed a lanky white-haired man hanging back, taking in the scene. At some point between when I got my drink and when I left the bar, I was jostled, and, being the extreme klutz I am, knocked into this guy. This domino effect ended with my dress covered in his glass of white wine. We were both pretty embarrassed, but he was super kind about it, apologizing profusely for potentially staining my dress. I assured him that it was no big deal, and scurried off to find some napkins. 

Later in the evening, someone pointed out the same man to me and identified him as none other than David Byrne from the Talking Heads. Yes, those Talking Heads. New York Rock Icon David Byrne spilled wine on me. “Once In a Lifetime” indeed.