17 Thoughts on the CATS (2019) Trailer from a 27-Year-Old Theatre Fan Who Has Never Seen CATS
My name is Charlotte Dow and I am a 27-year-old theatre professional and fan who has never seen a single production of the blockbuster Andrew Lloyd Webber musical CATS. I had plenty of chances. The original Broadway production ran for most of my childhood, the VHS recording of the original production was readily available to me, and I lived just a subway ride from the theatre that housed the most recent Broadway revival. It just never happened.
I think I was too scared to see it as a kid. I spent half my childhood in North Jersey and regularly saw ads for the Broadway production on TV that made the show look spooky and dark. I also think my parents had seen it at some point early in the run and weren’t eager to go back. Once I was old enough to realize what the show was about (“It’s about cats. Singing cats.”), I pretty much lost all interest.
I’ve now made it through nearly 28 years of life on Earth and 4 years of working in the theatre industry with little to no interaction with CATS. When the film adaptation was announced, I figured that, like many buzzy musicals that have been optioned by major film studios (looking at you, Wicked movie), it probably wouldn’t see the light of day.
But here we are. It is July 18, 2019 and the CATS trailer is out in the world. Things will never be the same again.
I find myself a changed woman having now watched this trailer three times. And, as any good blogger would, I feel the need to share this major life change with you all. So, without further ado, here are just a few of my initial thoughts on my new favorite musical, the CATS (2019) trailer.
I really hope they all got to wear knee-pads under their fancy CGI suits because that seems like a lot of crawling.
The girl cats seem to have human boobs but no nipples which makes them a) basically furry Barbies and b) actually allowed to show their boobs on Instagram.
THE CAT IN THE HAT IS IN THIS???
Why are the fancy old cats wearing fur coats? What kind of fur is it??? IS IT THE FUR OF THEIR FALLEN BRETHREN???
Casting Director 1: So this role calls for a jovial chubby dude who can kind of sing, who do we --
James Cordon: *bursts through the wall* I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED.
These fancy computer cat people can jump very high!
I did not think there would be a world where I am more attracted to Jason Derulo than Idris Elba but apparently when you turn them into cats all bets are off.
Jennifer Hudson, really earning that Oscar with her expressions in this trailer.
The cats have their own theatre because META.
Taylor Swift just drugged all her fellow cats with a magical powder that forces them to stream “You Need to Calm Down” non-stop for the rest of their lives.
The “Introducing” credit is such a slippery slope. Will we ever see this Francesca Hayward person again after this movie? It’s too much pressure!!!
At least they cast someone who can really sing in the one true singing role.
Tap! Ballet! Hip-hop! Weird cats-holding-human-bra choreography! What CAN’T Andy Blankenbuehler do?
I really hope someone addresses this whole “cats wearing fur thing” because I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING WHERE THEY GOT THE FUR.
Ok, there’s a bunch of neon on the streets but also an old-timey pram in the back of one shot, WHAT PERIOD IS THIS?
“Are you going to try for a different life?” Too late, Cat Lady, I am already a different person after watching this.
“YOU WILL BELIEVE” Fam, I already know about Furries, I’ve seen them on the street.